ach year as we work on our "POS Equipment" issue of the GSQ, I am bewildered by the way POS terminal manufacturers describe their equipment on their product slicks and in answering questions that we ask of them about their equipment.

Now, mind you, after 19 years of writing the stuff that you find in these green pages, it is a bit disconcerting to find yourself so simultaneously in your element and out of it. So here is my point: I find the levels of descriptions of POS equipment both dry and inconsistent.

In fact, I have noted that these descriptions even vary in the product slicks produced by a single equipment manufacturer. One slick might indicate that their terminals speed at 32-bit, while another might say 14.7 MHz. One describes the display screen as backlit, another ATM style backlit, and never mind the printer-speed descriptions that require an entirely different understanding of minutiae.

So as we try each year to put together a comparative matrix for our GSQ, these descriptions have created challenges. But as I was working on this year's equipment issue, it occurred to me that our industry is perhaps missing the boat on the variety of ways in which we might actually describe equipment. In fact, if other industries were used as a model, POS equipment descriptions could well have a great deal more zest.

Let me see if I can show you what I mean. In describing a fancy kitchen accessory from Italy called a Porto Rotolo di Carta, I found the following description:

"The Rotolio has a spring tension arm, stainless steel guide, crafted brass finial and a rubber gasket for exceptional stability, all for just $49.95."

Now you have to admit that this product sounds very well made, and it would seem, therefore, worth every penny of its price. Would you guess that the product is a paper towel dispenser?

Now before you say to yourself that we really don't need the POS manufacturers to begin writing their product slicks with any greater creativity, perhaps the opportunity is best realized by the salesperson in the field, in much the same way as a server in a restaurant. Consider this:

"Tonight we have a sautŽed crepe galette of sea salt chortle and Alaska kelp in a rich mal de mar sauce, seasoned with cautious herbs grown in our own basement. This is baked in a French vase for 12 minutes and four seconds precisely and then layered with steamed wattle and woozle leaves. Very delicious, very audacious.

"We are also offering this evening a double rack of pine nut cutlets, tenderized at your table by our own river dancers, then baked in Sonoma clay pots for 36 minutes under a lattice of guava peel and sun-ripened stucco. For vegetarians this evening we have a medley of forest floor moss and carrots gathered from the sea coast by our very own second chief assistant.

"Should you wish to pay at the end of your meal with plastic, we will be bringing a Wireless Permissible Visual Cognitive Imaging System equipment with a multicapable payment platform and delivered by our head waiter. This system is imported from France and will be installed and ready to function on your table in precisely 9 minutes, 30 seconds. Layered with our entries and yours, it will complete your exclusive meal in less than 7 seconds."

Well, OK, maybe it is a bad idea. I guess what we are doing does work just fine after all.